My Near Death Experience (NDE Condensed)- Story time- EveningTV

My Near Death Experience (NDE Condensed)- Story time- EveningTV

August 18, 2019 7 By Bertrand Dibbert


and so actually that is the topic of
this discussion today is my near-death experience in fact you know were it not
for my son Liam and also for my very strong absolute belief that our lives
have a purpose and that we die when we are done and so I have faith in that
process and so I feel as much as I I don’t have a fear of death and
especially now that my son is there I you know I have once in here with
Daenerys believe me that is a pole I mean I want I miss him you know I want
to be with him but I know that I only have a short time here this life is so
short and in fact that’s what I’m really really a wick and so I wish you’d relax
on that but on the other hand I wanted to get excited and get going because
life is life is so sure I’m so aware of how short it is granted it’s not as
short for most of us as it as it was for Noah you know I do have this sense that
it may be that he had done what he came here to do and so today the discussion
is near-death experiences so and so how that was to happen was that I of course
had this had this very rare form of a heart attack it was called it was it was
called a spontaneous coronary artery dissection or a scan here again I’m
gonna say one more time this is another thing having of this this is very rare
very rare but lo and behold I find the Google is a wonderful thing Google is a
wonderful thing for somebody like me who has these weird things happen
I looked up spontaneous coronary artery artery dissection and it took me right
to what do you think other women who are like 30-something years old
physically fit non-smoking regular people and so so I do make it through an
emergency surgery just fine ATS went so I just say perfectly still
for 12 hours with this catheter in my leg in my femoral artery and they said
something about that it would just puncture my heart or something I swear
so they said I had to stay completely still so they had given me some some
sedatives to stay still and then 12 hours later they came in to remove the
catheter by now it’s Good Friday it was it was Good Friday we were supposed to
be headed to New Orleanians with our friends with some friends for Easter but
obviously the trip had been canceled the next day in recovery and I have this
catheter in my femoral artery that has to be removed and they come in actually
gets nothing it’s not a big deal and well this is half my my husband is in
the room with me my parents and my grandparents happened to be outside and
my father-in-law happens to be outside they know just a minute we just got to
get this thing I’ll only take a second they acted like it was gonna be as
simple as taking out some stitches or removing a cast or something and the
acting was really a no-brainer there wasn’t a doctor there it was just
a nurse two nurses in it like a student nurse then the nurse is this big guy it
was a big blonde guy and he had arms as big as my thighs which I knew because he
had his he had them down by my thighs he was lifted back the blanket and he was
going to you know remove the catheter and so I just kind of looked away for a
minute and I’m looking over a cross I’m looking for my bed I’m looking over at
the two female nurses the is the Connecticut older veteran nurse and a
student nurse and their faces look shocked all of a sudden and then I hear
the hair the words it’s a bleed and then I look down and I see just this geyser
gushing up out of my groin area and then I hear they nurse the big nurse say to
my husband hold her down and my husband then holds me down the shoulders holds
me he’s over at my head he’s holding me down at the shoulders
and he’s doing this big nurse’s doing a lot of this pressing down on my my hips
and my groin I just feel things cracking and tearing underneath his underneath
and I hear I’m see something about the bed is broken I can get the bed to lift
up she’s had too much blood thinner something you know long yeah things
along this line I’m kind of starting to lose consciousness and it really really
is incredibly painful I look up at my husband he looks down at me and the look
on his face is clearly that he thinks I’m gonna die from there I float up and
I’m watching from the ceiling as they walk him towards the door and I see I
can look down as though there’s no roof on this place and I can see my family
out in the hallway and and then I can see myself laying in the bed and the the
crash cart coming through and the the code team the the respiratory team come
in there to try and resuscitate me and I worked in a hospital for several years
so I knew about code blues and I knew about about the special crash cart and
all that stuff I knew about it I’d seen it you know seen it so I knew and so I
didn’t hear the code blue being called I know about the code blue because my
grandmother told me later I’m floating up I’m watching that happen I don’t
really see them I see them just start to kind of gather around my body but I
don’t I don’t see them do any work on it and the next thing I know I am I’m off
in this incredible place that’s just full of light and it’s the most it’s
this soft pink sort of light and I just feel I just feel suddenly just
completely warm and safe and like I know every like every answer that I had like
all these baffling questions and things that were confusing me all the time or
just immediately lifted and cleared I knew everything I knew that I had died
all right yeah I knew where I knew what it was I knew that I was dying I knew
that I was going to like basically heaven or whatever I felt different from
other people experience I guess I didn’t see like it necessarily a guide
angels sort of person walking me I felt like I was this really tiny tiny person
on like a godlike mountain like it was like it was like I was a little samba
Lina in God’s palm of his hands or something like he was he was all around
me but too big for me to take in like too big for me like his face and he was
just way too big for me to get like a look at his face his or her face but I
was definitely being carried by this godlike entity which I think I’m
comfortable with if thinking I’m in in masculine sort of fatherly terms I think
probably because I didn’t have that great of a relationship I didn’t have
like a nurturing cozy father so maybe that’s why but I’m real comfortable with
with that characterization which is I think above anything I believe that that
what we manifest in our in our experience of afterlife is what we
imagined it to be you know I think that that what we feel comfortable with and
what we’ve always thought of it as and what references to our own expectations
is what will end up happening so in terms of God and heaven and all that so
I think that that is really what it is it’s all the same thing it’s just that
we take our beliefs into it so that’s what manifests it was the most perfect
place it was just wonderful now I didn’t have a sense of who I was I didn’t have
a sense that I was leaving anyone behind I didn’t it didn’t have that at all I
did have a sense that I was going home I had a sense that I was that I was
finally going home that I was gonna finally find the place where I belonged
death and that there were people that there were people just waiting there
with open arms and a place at the table they couldn’t wait they were so excited
to see me and that was sort of what I’d been waiting for in my life that I
didn’t get and so that sounds really really cool but I did it definitely
didn’t have any sense of my son’s I didn’t have any sense I was leaving my
sons behind or that I was didn’t have that at all I did have I had this sort
of life review I was being I was walking the whole time I was moving with movie I
was in all time I was in movements and the whole time there was this sweet
sound it was like it was like everything was experienced in all of the senses
like it was like there was a sweet sound there was a
sweet soft smell and the light and everything was just in that like the air
was warm and soft everything was just perfect and it was experienced on every
and in every sense and beyond up with these senses in pot it’s just really
really hard to explain but being that I’m a writer it’s my job to so I keep
trying I keep trying to explain it but I do see on all sides of me I’m headed to
sort of down this this tunnel it wasn’t a narrow tunnel it was like a hallway
like a corridor and on all sides of it was my life playing scenes of my life
and and the sense that I was getting was that this this God that was carrying me
it was kind of carrying me like I was like a baby bird or something like close
to his chest I could smell him and feel it and it was just kind of carrying me
there certain walking but like floating it was like a smooth smooth movement but
I wasn’t walking I was definitely not walking I was definitely being carried
which is different than I’ve heard people describe so far I haven’t seen
anyone that I recognize in fact I don’t see anyone that I recognize but of
course in my my grandparents hadn’t died yet or anything so there I didn’t really
I wasn’t that close to anybody who died yet so that’s that’s sort of an
interesting thing too maybe that’s why but so so so far I hadn’t seen anyone
that I that I recognized but yet at the same time I recognized everybody I was
everything was familiar and wonderful definitely didn’t feel like I was in
this foreign scary place whatsoever I felt like I totally belong there more
than I belong to anywhere in my whole life everything was perfect every kind
of insecurity or there was just none if that was it was was existed anymore and
I sense that this godlike person or whatever this godlike entity was was
really happy with the way that I’d lived with the kind of person that I was and
the job that I was doing but then this is when I was asked about going back and
told that my mission really wasn’t done yet that it was too soon for me to go
but because I’ve been through so I didn’t because
gonna be so tough for me when I went back he wanted me to have a commitment
he wanted me to understand it was gonna be tough when I went back and that I had
a choice he wanted me to be committed to to to going back if I went back he
that’s what he wanted me have a choice didn’t want to force me to go and I said
no way I do not want to go back I don’t want to go back this is neat and I was
told if you don’t go back you have to learn all the lessons again you’ll have
to do it all over again you don’t get to you know get past anything you just get
to start over maybe take a rest right now and I was like no I don’t care I
don’t want to go back right now I just it’s too wonderful here and then I saw
my son’s then he showed me my sons and they were totally different their hearts
were broken they had their circumstances their
family their life could not sustain the loss of their mother they had no one no
one that was going to come in to fill in for me no one was going to love them
unconditionally and the outside world would not know that they were orphans
because they would have family all around them they wouldn’t know how alone
they were and so I immediately said I’ve got to get back I’ve got to get back I
knew my mission and you one of my most important purposes in life was to stop
this cycle of abuse and my family and to love my kids unconditionally and to be a
teacher of unconditional love and empathy and compassion and so I went
back and I went back with the understanding that I wasn’t gonna
remember everything right away and that I had the fight of a lifetime ahead of
me but that I had everything that I needed already I had everything that I
needed to to win the battle I had within me already
of course I am a master of repressed memories so I go back and I don’t
remember anything all I remember is that it happened a and that that I had chosen
to come back because my sons needed me that’s really about all that I that I
remembered of the whole thing at first at first it would eventually come back
to me as would most of my childhood memories I would eventually get all of
the memory back I mean you know just about all of it I
think I think I would get everything back as far as I saw it to where I was
about like anybody else I remembered my childhood as well as anybody else
eventually I have a few years left where I’m going to just keep pushing things
down and then in a few years an epiphany is gonna come and I will stop pushing
things down and wave after wave of realization will come to me and and I
will be transformed it will be really really tough but life will be
transformed and I’ll be new but I regain consciousness and I realized that the
place is covered with blood I mean and the nurses are just sweating and they’re
like I mean it’s clear that everyone has been through a hugely traumatic event
that it that much is very very clear to me the male nurse says well you gave us
quite a scare there you know let’s teach you out let’s go that the female there’s
shit I heard her say let’s get you out of these let’s get you out of these
things and some clean clothes and so they like whipping me around they’re
moving you know really quickly picking up all these blood-soaked linens
changing my clothes probably me cleaning it all off propping me up in bed wiping
me down getting me to look decent clean and within just a few seconds they’re
like all the evidence of whatever this trauma was it was gone and they said
that my family your family’s been waiting out in the hallway this entire
time we need to you know we really ought to go get them but I had no idea what
they meant I mean like she said this entire time as though as though I’d been
there this entire time which I certainly hadn’t been I had no idea whether than
going on except for that I was in so much pain that I had a feeling that I
got the sense that resuscitating me had been a brutal brutal process so in walks
my so they they go gay up in the door I realize of course when I came to that my
husband is no longer there because I don’t really remember that he got moved
to the door I don’t remember you know the part about starting to float up and
seeing him get move that I have no memory of that right now at this point
the last thing that I remember was looking up his face and saying I think I
said why are they doing this to me and then I love
consciousness and so that was the last thing I remembered was seeing that look
on his face that was a clear look of that he knew I was gonna die and I can’t
I couldn’t for the life of me make out what else was with that look was it like
a she’s gonna die thank God or she’s gonna die I’m you
know I’m not I can’t make out what the it was just this realization that I was
gonna die without an Associated feeling to it like
that makes me sad that makes me happy that makes so that was haunting me for
the longest time that I couldn’t figure out what he felt about it
it seemed like clearly he knew I was gonna die but I couldn’t tell what he
felt about it so they let it go to the door and they let in my family in walks
first my grandparents and they’re beside themselves they’re they’re just you know
hysterical and fathers looks like he’s got you know just tears streaming down
his face my grandmother’s cry she’s like oh my god
we thought you were gonna lose you they they called code blue two times and they
came rushing in here and you know we just thought we thought we’re gonna lose
you this is you know and she came it gave me this hug and it was a so so that
was how I knew he knew about the code blue and all that I really hope it would
had no idea had she not said that my father-in-law then walked in and he was
you know looked white as a ghost he looked super scared and gave me a
little kiss and they went and sat down on the windowsill and then my parents
and my husband came wandering in talking to each other not even looking at me
didn’t rush over to me didn’t give me a hug didn’t say oh my god how you know
tragic was nothing they were talking to each other and ignoring me and it was
like we were coming with up with the plan or something I couldn’t imagine
what they were talking about but their heads were down they were definitely
they didn’t come up and talk to me or anything and it was very strange but and
I was still disoriented and I wasn’t ready to assess with anything man at
this point I was just everything was so disorienting and weird that’s basically
all I remember about that I remember trying to kind of say something about
that I had this near-death experience a little mentioned something about it and
my mother turned around and kind of said she said you’re out you’re sedated or
something like that and that was basically it I knew a
near-death experience I knew that I needed to go back and be there to offer
my children the unconditional love that they deserved it also didn’t deserve I
needed to be an example of love and compassion in a place where there where
it was sorely lacking I didn’t have a full understanding of it at the time but
in retrospect afterwards I did realize that I was warned that I was gonna be
coming back to fight the Battle of a lifetime that it was a battle against
ego evil laziness everything lovelessness and the reason that I had
to be stripped down as I was it was necessary that I know that the only
weapons that I had were going to be love and the truth and also my faith in God
so those are the indestructible parts of me and I needed to learn that that was
the most important lesson was that the world or whoever was watching needed to
see that I was able to win I was able to be victorious with only those things on
my side not money on my side not connections not power not even support
not even the loving family I only had just the love I had for my son’s love
God had for me and the truth the power of the truth so I would have to believe
that no pinning in and please come back I will talk with you later
bye for now empowering those who yearn for more love intimacy in passion in the
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